ANXIETY

 And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” John 9:2-3

“Anxious,” “nervous,” “intense,” “overly emotional,” and “high-strung” are all adjectives I’ve heard applied to me. Kinder folks say I’m “driven,” “high-energy,” or “passionate.” I’m often told I need to relax and rest more, whatever that means. There is often innuendo, and sometimes it’s even spoken outright, that perhaps my anxiety is a direct lack of faith--or even a sin. Verses like, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6) have been quoted at me more times than I can count.

For years as a young Christian, I’d beg the Lord to show me how to trust Him more, how to rest in Him more, how to appear less nervous and more peaceful to those around me. I finally realized I was asking the wrong things. He has created me the way I am. I have been diagnosed with several legitimate anxiety disorders, including Generalized Anxiety Disorder. "As with many mental health conditions, the cause of generalized anxiety disorder likely arises from a complex interaction of biological and environmental factors…" https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/generalized-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20360803

My brain apparently works a little differently than so-called “normal” people. If anything, I’ve learned through my “disorder” to trust Him MORE, to rest in Him MORE, and to walk MORE humbly with my God. My prayers in recent years have been less self-focused and more intent on pleasing and glorifying Him as the planned object of His creation. I’ve learned to allow Him to harness my pent-up energy to serve Him, to walk in humility knowing full well my shortcomings, and to forgive those who judge me wrongly.

Let me conclude by saying that this post is not a pity party, nor designed to make you feel sorry for me! I am at peace with who He has created me to be, knowing that He can and will glorify Himself in my weaknesses. This is more a plea for us all to be slower to judge and offer “remedies” to others. It is an appeal for us all to be kinder to those who are different from us. And it is my hope that we will all become less self-focused and more focused on our Creator!